This Baby Will Not Change My Life
Issue 043
DECEMBER 5, 2018
WRITTEN BY PATRICIA ORLANDO
I remember thirty-three years ago when the doctor came into the exam room with a big smile on his face and announced “you're not sick, you are pregnant!” My whole world stopped; my face did not match the doctor’s; my tear-filled eyes spilled out a volume of water, so much so that I knew my mascara was on my chin and the first thought I had? “This baby is NOT going to change MY life!” I was a young woman, an executive in the entertainment industry running toward the pinnacle of my career. I had never held a baby, never touched a diaper, never fed a baby; I wasn’t interested in babies; that mother role that everyone touted as the womanly thing to do. I wasn’t having any of it! It was off my radar; well, actually, it had NEVER been on my radar. The only way I could cope with the moment was to declare, “This baby is NOT going to change MY life.”
I am not proud of this moment, in fact, writing it makes me cringe but this Advent season Jesus has been gently prodding me to explore, once again, the reality of the darkness of my own heart and life in preparation for celebrating God’s moving into the neighborhood. That day he stooped into our time and space in the body of His Son, a baby, to bring us the gift He had promised so long ago; the gift of a Kingdom where Light, Life, and Love rule. It takes all of me to stay seated in the darkness of my desire to rule myself, to be the one to decide how my life is going to be ordered but as I do, I remember afresh the reason I, we, need the Gift of the rule of the Kingdom of God.
I wish I had responded to the news of my pregnancy as Mary did when Gabriel came to tell her she would conceive in her womb, bear a son and name him Jesus. Her reaction was reverent and trusting. The text in Luke 1:29 does say Mary was confused about the pregnancy. She could not comprehend how she could be pregnant, but her demeanor did not push back the overshadowing rule of God in her life as mine had. Her confusion all went away after Gabriel explained to her in no uncertain terms that God would protect her. He reassured her that it was possible by citing Elizabeth’s miraculous pregnancy. Gabriel’s encouragement that “nothing will be impossible with God” impelled Mary to willingly lean into the Kingdom of God.
“Here am I, the servant of the Lord; let it be with me according to your word.” Those words haunt me. They are not archaic words; they are not just for Mary. The words nudge me toward the Kingdom of God, but the red flag “servant” word waves high. My 21st century Western American mindset opposes that red flag. δουλη, the Greek word means female slave and I don’t know how to frame the definition correctly. I think this to myself: how interesting this it is the beginning announcement of the pregnancy declares the baby’s Kingship? It seems the idea of Ruling stands prominent at the annunciation? Why else would Mary declare her status at the announcement? How did Mary understand this δουλη?
“She was all in! This was not a one-time service; it was a lifetime of voluntary service. Mary consented to a life change; she consented to be ruled. Polar opposite to my reaction!”
Mary would have recognized her weaker power position. She acknowledged her dependence on her Lord. She would have understood it her duty to declare her loyalty through the announcement of a life commitment. It meant she was joining the cause of the God she served. In other words, she was all in! This was not a one-time service; it was a lifetime of voluntary service. Mary consented to a life change; she consented to be ruled. Polar opposite to my reaction!
This Advent I encourage everyone to create that sacred space to reflect on what it means for you when God moves into yourneighborhood. Can we, in our culture, acknowledge God as ruler? Are there places in our lives we need to recognize our weaker power position? Will we let that baby change us through His rule? Can you sit in the darkness of your desire to rule yourself, so that you can remember afresh the reason we need the gift of God moving into our neighborhood?
Postscript: That baby did, in fact, change my life. Her arrival in the world warmed my heart, gave me purpose to live, and helped me escape the grips of the tentacles of selfishness that I had grown accustomed to. The only regret I have; I could not fully embrace the joy when that smiling doctor came to proclaim the announcement. Oh how I wish I had a do over for that moment!